With all the accolades Cape Town has racked up recently, including but not limited to our mountain (yeah we claim it) becoming one of the 7 Natural Wonders of the World, winning World Design Capital, as well as being voted the number one tourist destination by that rather small publication the New York Times- I would like to thank you for giving us the distinguished “Go Fuck Yourself Award”.
I actually like Joburg, well kinda. I mean it’s pretty and everything, but only in the North and only in the summer, in winter it’s a dry brown shit hole. I have actively looked at moving up to Jozi, then I woke up and looked out my front door and gave myself a facepalm for ever considering it.
I didn’t lock my door last night, I drive with the window open, there are not 14 electric wires around my wall and my house does not have a security guard and a car guard outside. The topic of conversation last night among my friends was not who got hijacked/ robbed/ mugged or shot at. But then again we are not quite rough and tumble enough to be casted for the next Walking Dead season. (Having said that check out the Zombie Walk that happens annually.) We have been dealing with zombies for a while now.
We do not “nay say” Jozi at every opportunity we get, despite what you “busy” people think, we actually have lives, but when we do, we do say things like, “it’s dirty, trafficky and unsafe”.
Wanna know why? Because it is!
Don’t give me this big city bullshit either. Jozi is dirty because the ANC waste your money. Because your roads fall apart and garbage does not get collected.
So thanks for the contribution to the GDP it sure goes far. (On this note both the tax money generated in Cape Town and Jozi goes to subsidising the rest of the country anyway. So thank those “boozy ungrateful wastrels” for making your lives easier.)
What dumb ass Capetonians have you been hanging out with that think Woolworths is only Cape Town based and compare Lagos to Jozi? Surely none that have gone beyond the Hottentots Holland mountain range.
This story of Cape Town being cliquey is bullshit as well. Don’t come to Vredehoek, hang out with all the Jozi and Durban expats and tell us Capetonians are cliquey. Just stop trying to make friends with hipsters.
We do get some business from Johannesburg, we also make business of our own. You might have heard of it, Tourism? It brings in a fair bit of money.
Yes we have lower salaries and higher living expenses BUT when you go to the gym at 19:45 after sitting in an hour traffic on William Nicol to go between two traffic lights, I have been for a run in the forest, watched a sun set, and probably eaten dinner. Keep the bloody money.
Most of us do not live close to the beach, for me it is at least a 12 min drive, sometimes up to 15 min away. Just a bit faster than the 5 hours and 4 toll gates it would take you.
Enough of this North vs South debacle. I am onto my first beer at the office, the sun is shining, and I will be planting my bum on the beach, or something of the sort, very soon now.